You make mistakes, mistakes do not make you.

I’m about to drop the lemon in the picture and that does not make me a bad juggler, because…

You make mistakes. Mistakes do not make you.

Lovely insight 😊.

There is a deep truth in that quote that you can start using to make your life better in many ways.

Once we realize that our behavior and our actions are things we DO and not the things we ARE, a big door for peace of mind and happiness can open.

We are moving from identity-level thinking to behavior-level thinking.

Every time you place some negative behavior on IDENTITY level, you are undermining your potential.

If you say for example "I'm a failure" (identity-level thinking), you are undermining your self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence and with that you're probably generating unpleasant feelings and a life in which you feel stuck. If however you would look at the situation that makes you think or say that you're a failure, just as a situation in which you behaved in a certain way, you will experience less impact.

You behaved in a way that did not make you succeed, or at least not achieve your, I'm guessing, quite high standards, but that doesn't make you, as a person, a failure. For sure you have succeeded in past endeavors, so it simply can not be true that you ARE a failure. Use these past success events to prove your mind wrong. Be rational and honest about it.

(To train your mind to counter the negativity bias and consciously catch more success-moments, you can use this journal)

If rationality is long gone, try the tips below.

Extra tips

Besides the insight to re-frame these identity-thoughts to behavior, there are a few other simple steps that you can use whenever you feel you've not done what you (or your environment) might have set out as an expectation.

Vulnerability

Talk with someone you trust and be vulnerable (men, this one's especially for you). You'll probably experience that you're not the first one going through such an experience and will likely feel "normal" again. If that person didn't help you, ditch him/her. Just kidding, but maybe try with a coach or someone else.

Reframe your judgement

You can also wonder how you would "judge" your best friend if he or she went through that experience. Probably not so awful as you're judging yourself. So speak to yourself as you would speak to your best friend.

Take action

Continue working on yourself. Keep taking small steps towards what you want and prove to yourself with ACTION that you can grow and change and become the person you want to be.

Perfectionism chill

Realize also that you cannot be perfect. No one is. It's fine to make mistakes. It's in fact needed. Focus instead on the growth and learnings you can take from that situation. Challenges are part of life. How boring would life be if we could not grow through challenges?

Know that others don’t know

Realize that if people are giving you feedback on identity level, they are most likely wrong. For example someone might tell me: Jan, you’re bad in writing. Understand that what they are saying mostly applies to certain situations. In this example that person may have read only one or a couple of blog post. In the first place, be open to the feedback and investigate how you can improve your behavior in those situations or how you can improve your skills (if their feedback is valid and if you want to improve) but do not let it hijack your identity. You’re stronger and better than you think but if you believe what they’re saying, you undo almost all chances of becoming better.

If you’d like to learn more, DM me, check my blog page or some great events that are coming up to help you feel and perform at your best:

https://www.janaquarius.com/events

https://www.janaquarius.com/blogs

Or connect with me on Instagram or subscribe to the newsletter. I’m looking forward to it!

To your best life 🥂.

#becurious #becourageous #beyourbest