The missing link to achieve and experience what you want
Why do we often feel like life is moving too fast and we’re not truly enjoying it? Why do we so often fail to achieve what we want? And why do we struggle to make desired changes a reality?
It’s something most people wrestle with. Fortunately, there’s both an explanation ánd a solution.
In this article, we want to offer you a model to tackle these challenges so you can more easily experience greater success, fulfillment, and happiness. A model that helps you to achieve more with less.
A Personal Story
During the pandemic, I gained some weight and decided to do something about it. I set myself the goal of losing 3 kilos. I thought it through and committed to working out three times a week, skipping snacks, and cutting out alcohol during the weekdays. I felt motivated and got started with energy.
By the end of the first week, I gave myself some slack during the weekend, and on Monday, my motivation had dropped a bit. Still, I knew it was important, so I pushed through. At the end of week two, I had only lost half a kilo — even though I had hoped for one or two. I felt discouraged and started questioning my approach, even becoming a bit critical of myself. Halfway through week three, I felt tired and frustrated from work pressure and started sticking less and less to the promises I made to myself. By the end of week three, I had gained some weight again and (temporarily) threw in the towel. I was disappointed.
I had decided to make a change, found the inspiration to set a clear goal, started off motivated — but eventually gave up due to various circumstances.
And this is just one of many common situations. Unfortunately, it applies to every domain of life: health, relationships, finances, work, dreams and passions, personal development, relaxation, etc.
So what’s going on here? And how can we massively increase our chances of success?
The Missing Links
1/ Understanding behavior change
The first missing link is a better understanding of behavioral change, so you no longer:
rely on motivation as your primary driver for change,
and learn that you're probably measuring and managing your progress incorrectly.
Check the blog post “4 Tips for Successful Behavior Change” (NL) to dive deeper into this.
2/ Having an holistic, integrative approach
The second missing link is an integrated approach. You can only be truly successful in achieving your goals and creating your dream life if you address all the key elements involved. You need a robust model. Sadly, most advice focuses on only one or two elements — making your chances of sustainable change far smaller than with a comprehensive approach.
That integrated approach consists of a concrete and logical step-by-step plan that includes all the necessary elements to achieve and experience what you want and to grow into the person you want to be. So you can build the life you truly desire. It’s a path that requires time and effort — but guarantees results, impact, and transformation. Not just quick fixes, but a new lifestyle — and, ultimately, a new you.
We’re not presenting this as a magical solution. In fact, quite the opposite. Maybe not the most compelling way to sell this to you — but truthfully, applying the building blocks of this model is tough work. You’ll be holding up a mirror to yourself, which can be uncomfortable. You’ll stop avoiding responsibility and start looking inward for both your results and lack of results.
Change and growth also come with loss and letting go — and we usually don’t like that. And most importantly, action is the key element to building the life you want. That means stepping outside your comfort zone — and that’s, well, uncomfortable.
This process will inevitably come with ups and downs. The good news is: you’ll learn to find comfort even in those difficult moments — when things feel hard, scary, uncertain, or like failure. Finding comfort in any circumstance is a key part of this model.
Also, know that everything we share is based on experiential insight, scientific research, and age-old wisdom.
So what building blocks should we consider?
The high-level step-by-step plan for anything you want to achieve looks like this:
Clarity & Purpose
Clarity about what’s important to YOU, what you want to achieve and experience, who you want to become, and the impact you want to have.
Read more in this article or listen to the podcast episode.Goal Setting
Translating your clarity into specific goals and a concrete action plan.Goal Getting
Ensuring you take steps forward and finding ways to guarantee progress.
No clarity, no change. No goals, no progress. No action, no nothing.
Steps one and two are relatively easy to implement through coaching, exercises, or reflection. But step three (Goal Getting) is where it gets tricky — this is where action is required. You have to start walking the path toward a fully lived life.
“You cannot hire someone to do your push-ups for you.”
That means you’ll need to step out of your comfort zone. It means failing, falling, getting back up. It also means learning to enjoy the process and everything that comes with it.
Let’s list all the elements that could result in:
not taking action
taking too little action
not taking the right action
The Action-enemy: The Stick-to-What-You-Know Monster
There’s a little monster in our brain that wants to stick to what’s familiar and protect us from failure, uncertainty, and change. While useful in life-threatening situations, it often holds us back from reaching our full potential. It throws up obstacles that make it harder to take consistent action. I call it Charlie.
The obstacles Charlie throws in your path:
No clear system to reach your goals
Lack of knowledge on behavior change and habit formation
Low self-confidence to take necessary steps
Blind spots or limiting beliefs that unconsciously sabotage you
To little influence on your emotions (emotional regulation): you’re often in a rollercoaster without brakes or you are too strongly influenced by your mood to consistently take action
Relying on external events for positive energy instead of finding peace and happiness within
Inconsistent motivation
Lack of discipline
Lack of grit (passion and perseverance)
Low energy
Believing your impact is limited on what you can change and develop (mindset)
Not believing enough in your own growth potential (mindset and confidence)
Blaming success and failure too much on external factors
Lack of (perceived) time
Low productivity — distractions, no flow, procrastination
Being in an environment that works against your growth
Poor communication
Not enough or ineffective feedback
Too much stress, fear, or overwhelm
Lack of loving kindness — for yourself and for others
The more you bring these elements under your sphere of influence and grow in them, the more unstoppable you become. You start building a life filled with fulfillment, joy, and success and leave a positive impact behind. Every element you strengthen contributes exponentially to your power to manifest and create the life you want, or anything else that’s meaningful to you.
We don’t suppress Charlie, we learn to embrace him so he feels welcome but no longer controls our thoughts or actions.
Each step positively influences the others. Like a boat in a lock chamber, each step lifts the whole boat higher. There is a logical order that makes the journey more efficient.
Getting Started
Keep an eye on this blog page — in the coming months, we’ll dive deeper into every obstacle Charlie throws at you, with insights and actions to help you overcome them with ease.
If you want to get started already:
Contact me for a personal coaching journey
Follow the program at your own pace via the THRIVE Academy
Sign up for the newsletter and get monthly inspiration to walk this path
Follow me on social media for frequent tips and insights from my own journey:
Here’s to a life fully lived 🥂!
