Breaking Free from Self-Sabotage & Perfectionism: How to Make Growth a Joyful Journey
What are patterns that foster change and growth, and what are patterns that sabotage them?
One of the biggest saboteurs I see? The pursuit of perfection.
For those with perfectionist tendencies (check), this can be especially challenging. But even if you don’t consider yourself a perfectionist, chances are that when you get inspired to improve something in your life, you might fall into the trap of expecting quick results or perfect progress. And when reality doesn’t match those expectations, frustration kicks in.
It might even have the opposite effect when we’re not careful, putting us in a vicious cycle of shame and self-doubt:
👉 I want to intentionally change / grow
👉 I take this very seriously
👉 I create tension and stress to get everything right from the start
👉 I don’t achieve or get what I thought I should get
👉 I’m hard on myself
👉 I trigger (more) self-doubt, maybe shame and more stress
👉 I’m less likely to successfully continue
👉 I create / confirm the belief that I’m not worthy to achieve what I want.
So… how do we embrace growth in a way that makes it a joyful journey?
1. Progress Is Never Linear (And That’s Okay)
One of the most powerful truths to remember: linear growth is a myth.
Real change happens in waves—ups, downs, and everything in between. If you expect a smooth journey, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, be prepared for setbacks, knowing they’re simply part of the process. There’s always a messy middle.
Next time you feel discouraged, remind yourself: "This dip is temporary. It’s not failure, it’s part of the journey."
2. Shift Your Focus from Results to Effort
Hope is great. Expectations can be dangerous.
When we tie our happiness to achieving a specific outcome, we set ourselves up for disappointment the moment things don’t go as planned. Instead of fixating on where you think you should be, focus on the progress you’re making—no matter how small.
Every step forward is worth celebrating.
💡 Ask yourself: Did I take action today? Did I show up? If the answer is yes, that’s success.
3. Kind Discipline: Balancing Drive and Self-Compassion
Progress makes us feel good. It boosts self-confidence and joy so learning to focus on progress is key. Yet we might be paralyzed in taking action. Oftentimes we need a bit of discipline to get going.
So discipline is important—it helps us take action, even when motivation fades. But discipline without kindness can turn into self-punishment.
Try this:
✔ Be disciplined enough to take action.
✔ Be kind enough to yourself when you don’t follow through perfectly.
Instead of beating yourself up for a missed workout, remind yourself that one skipped session doesn’t erase all your progress. Start again tomorrow.
4. Know Your "Why"—It’s Your Fuel for Change
Without intrinsic motivation, lasting change is nearly impossible. If your goal is driven by external expectations, your motivation can fade fast.
Take a moment to reflect:
👉 Why do I truly want this change?
👉 How will it improve my life?
👉 How will it impact others?
Whenever you feel like giving up, tap back into your deeper "why."
Check out more in this article: The Clarity & Purpose Blueprint - Becoming Your Authentic Self
5. Start Smaller Than You Think You Need To
One of the biggest reasons people fail? They choose action that is too ambitious for where they are right now.
If you’re not confident you can take action even when you’re unmotivated, your action plan is too ambitious. Make it smaller.
Success breeds motivation. Start with one small step and let momentum build from there.
💡 Example: Instead of committing to 30 minutes of exercise daily, start with 5 minutes. Once it becomes a habit, you’ll naturally do more.
6. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously—Make Growth Fun
Growth doesn’t have to feel like a never-ending self-improvement project. It can be playful, light, and even fun. There is no right or wrong, there is only learning and growth. Look at your life from this higher perspective: it literally is just a playground for growth, connection and learning. This can take off the tension ánd can also help you in tackling fears.
💡 Try this:
✔ Approach challenges with curiosity instead of judgment.
✔ See mistakes as experiments instead of failures.
✔ View life as a playground for learning and connection, not a test you need to ace.
When you release the pressure, growth becomes an adventure instead of a struggle.
7. Fear Is a Signpost—Follow It
If something feels exciting and scary at the same time, that’s usually a sign you should go for it.
The biggest regrets of people on their deathbeds? Not following their own passions and desires.
Your dreams are on the other side of fear. Instead of avoiding discomfort, lean into it.
💡 Ask yourself: What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?
8. Shift into "Adventurer Mode"—There’s No Such Thing as Failure
When you see yourself as a scientist or an adventurer, mistakes lose their power.
Every experience becomes an experiment—a way to learn what works and what doesn’t.
Thomas Edison famously said:
"I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work."
💡 Try this: When you hit a setback, instead of saying "I failed," ask: "What did I learn?" This shift in mindset can dramatically reduce fear, self-doubt, and frustration.
Stepping into curiosity through your adventurer or scientist persona also helps to take distance from your emotions, fears, etc, which makes mistakes or perceived failure less painful. We are more than our ego, we can observe it. While taking that step back and going into observer mode, you might feel lighter with all the “bad” that happens on your quest of growth and change. It also helps in regulating your emotions.
9. You’re More Capable Than You Think
Think back to a time when you faced a setback, challenge, or failure—and overcame it.
You survived. You adapted. You grew.
💡 Remind yourself:
✔ You are more resilient than you give yourself credit for.
✔ You’ve already overcome difficult things before—and you’ll do it again.
10. You Are Already Enough
No one is perfect. We all have struggles, insecurities, and fears.
But here’s the truth:
👉 The parts of you that you judge or dislike were created to protect you.
👉 They were survival mechanisms designed to help you feel safe and loved.
Growth isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about shedding the layers that no longer serve you.
11. Breathe. Pause. Trust the Process.
When unhelpful patterns show up, don’t fight them—observe them.
Take a deep breath. Feel what’s coming up. Don’t fight it, don’t run away from it. Let it pass through you. Every challenge on your path is an invitation to take your next step and become more of you (more of your authentic selve). Shift to think in terms of “this is happening for me” instead of “this is happening to me”.
You don’t need to rush the process.
The next time an old fear or pattern resurfaces, instead of fighting it, try this:
✔ Pause.
✔ Take a deep breath.
✔ Ask: What is this trying to teach me?
✔ Decide: Do I let it take the wheel, or do I put it in the passenger seat? In other words, do I follow the old pattern or do I choose a more helpful new action?
💡 Awareness creates choice. Choice creates freedom.
If you struggle with perfectionism, self-doubt, or feeling "not enough," exploring deeper self-worth work with a coach or therapist can be life-changing.
Final Thought: Growth Should Feel Expansive, Not Restrictive
If your pursuit of growth is making you feel stressed, anxious, or frustrated, it’s time to step back.
Growth isn’t about proving your worth. It’s about becoming more of who you already are.
See if with what we’ve discussed, you’ll find it easier to embrace the ups and downs and find more joy in the process. Remember, you’re probably already doing better than you think.
How Can I Support You?
If this resonated with you and you’d like guidance on overcoming self-doubt, perfectionism, or creating meaningful change, drop me a message—I’d love to help.
Take the next step
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Have a wonderful day!
Jan Aquarius - Live. Grow. Matter
Your happiness, my mission.
#becurious #becourageous #beyourbest
