Break Free from Inaction & Become the Person You Want to Be

 
 

Why is changing ourselves hard? We can summarize a lot of it in one sentence: we know what we need to do but we don't do what we know.

We know that we shouldn’t eat that 5th cookie, get ourselves off the sofa and go to the gym, put that phone down and work productively, watch an episode less and do some reading or meditation, or take a step back and be honest about how we’re really feeling. But often, we don’t do it—or at least not consistently.

So what’s stopping us?

In this series, we’ll explore the key obstacles that hold us back and the tools to overcome them, using the Model for Progress & Transformation (explained in this article). We’ll cover:

✅ Motivation
✅ Willpower depletion
✅ Moral licensing (rewarding ourselves in ways that hold us back)
✅ Planning fallacy (underestimating effort and time)
✅ No backup plan and no plan for failure
✅ Self-doubt
✅ Unrealistic expectations
✅ Setting the bar too high

Let’s start with the big one: Motivation.

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Motivation: the first obstacle

The first obstacle or action impediment to move towards a life that we really want or to become the person we want to be is a lack of motivation.

From the viewpoint of the high-performer, you could say that motivation is bullshit. I agree to some extent because day-to-day motivation is unreliable and fleeting. High-performers rely on discipline when the going gets tough. If you look at the best of the best, for example in sports, people like Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant are always the first on the court to train and the last to leave. They put in plenty of extra hours in the gym compared to their team mates. If Michael had a horrible game and felt down and disappointed, he would walk off the field, pass his physical coach and just say: tomorrow, 5 am, gym? Yup.

No matter how they felt, they would do what they know they should do. No matter what, they would follow their plan.

This involves some form of discipline. You might see however how below it is a deeper kind of motivation: they know who they want to be and what they want to achieve and are committed to that. This is the key to tap into that discipline muscle when you don’t feel like doing what you set out to do.

Let’s break down how you also can tap into that power.


STep 1 - Get clear on what you want and why

The what lights your path and gives you clarity on what is important for you. The why is the fuel to your journey helping you to work towards something that is meaningful to you, leading to a more fulfilling journey.

Every change starts with awareness and clarity. Ask yourself:

  • Who do I want to become?

  • What do I want to achieve or experience?

  • Why does this matter to me?

The stronger your why, the stronger your intrinsic motivation—the kind that fuels you when external motivation fades or the mind or body says no.

(Need help with this reflection? Download our in-depth workbook to uncover your Clarity & Purpose or follow the online masterclass on this topic.)

This clarity and a strong purpose behind what you want, is the bedrock of personal transformation.

 

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Step 2 - Goal Setting & Goal Getting

The next step to counter the lesser motivation days is to set clear goals for what you want (Goal Setting) and making sure you have a plan to progress towards these goals, i.e. the systems and strategies to create forward momentum (Goal Getting).

An important part of the process is to make sure you feel successful. For most of us this means paying extra attention to the progress you make and being proud of it. Feeling successful fuels motivation so make sure you recognize your progress.

It’s not just about setting goals, it’s about making them happen.

  • Set clear goals—what you want and when.

  • Understand your deeper why—the fuel for joy, meaning and energy along the way.

  • Create your system for forward momentum—small, repeatable actions that have impact and that can be done.

  • Celebrate progress—acknowledge even the small wins to build confidence.

Step 3 - 100% commitment

The third step is to commit. If you really commit to something, you don’t need much motivation or even discipline. You have decided what you will do with 100% engagement, so you just do it. You’ve probably experienced this before in situations like Dry January or when you reach a point in your life where you say no more! You decide for example to not have alcohol for a month. If you make this decision with full conviction, it becomes relatively easy. Any opportunity or any temptation is killed before it can take hold: no thanks, I don’t drink this month.

The key here is the 100% part. If there is the slightest element in your mind that keeps the door open to not stick to your decision, it becomes hard because with every temptation, you will start arguing with yourself. Should I, should I not? And this is incredibly energy draining.

That’s why true 100% commitment is a breeze, but 99% is a b*tch.

Ask yourself: Are you committed or are you interested?

Most of the time when we think we committed ourselves to something, we were actually just interested. And oftentimes, it’s because we were not yet confronted enough with the pain of our current situation. Somewhat unfortunate, pain is the strongest driver or motivator for change (a burning platform). Yet, it doesn’t have to be. Exploring your WHY’s several levels deep helps you to find purpose, meaning and pleasure in what you want to change, which can help you to commit 100% (a burning ambition).

TIP

Commit fully but only for a short period of time (a week or a month for example). This makes the 100% commitment feasible. From there, you can more easily build up the success and the momentum.

 
 

Kind Discipline: The Secret to Staying on Track

You will have off days. Everyone does. What matters is how you respond.

  • Be kind to yourself—missing a day doesn’t mean failure. Learn, move on, and recommit.

  • Create a tiny version of your desired behavior—something so small you can do it even on your worst days.

Successful behavior change comes down to making a habit out of your behaviors and this can only happen if you do it consistently. Doing the smallest version of your behavior will still be contributing to the habit creation.

Not motivated to work out? Do 10 push-ups.
Don’t feel like meditating? Take one mindful breath.
Don’t feel like going out for the run? Put on your running shoes (starter step) or take a walk around the block.
Don’t feel like reading? Just read one page.
No energy to apply for jobs? Prepare one part of your application.

Success isn’t about perfection. It’s about consistency.

Summary: How to Move Forward No Matter What

✔ Separate deep intrinsic motivation (your WHY) from fleeting daily motivation and use the former to shift the latter (on lower motivation days).
✔ Set specific goals for what you want.
✔ Make sure you translate these goals into actionable behavior so you can move from goal setting to goal getting.
✔ Create habits out of those behaviors and make sure the behavior feels good. Emotion creates change.
✔ Commit 100% for short, realistic timeframes.
✔ Have a Tiny Version of your habit to stay consistent. Progress fuels motivation.
✔ Expect motivation to fluctuate. Focus on kind discipline and commitment.

Don’t wait to feel motivated. Build a system that keeps you moving forward—no matter what.

Your future self is counting on you.

I’m wishing you a wonderful day, full of clarity and action 🚀.

I’m also looking forward to seeing you in the next article so make sure to check the Blog regularly and subscribe to the monthly Newsletter.

In the meantime, if you want to dive deeper into this material:

Your happiness, my mission.

Jan Aquarius - Live. Grow. Matter.

#becurious #becourageous #beyourbest

 
 
 
Bite-sized happiness, Happiness, High Performance, Personal growth, THRIVEJan AquariusHappiness, High Performance, Personal growth, Thrive, Habits, Motivation, FulfilmentComment