The one question that can change your life
I read this quote from Marcus Aurelius recently: If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it.
It made me think of an old Socrates story, so story-time:
In old Greece, Socrates meets with his friend who starts the conversation: do you know what I just heard about one of your students?
Hold on, Socrates said. Before you tell me your story, I want to ask you 3 questions and see if what you want to tell me passes these 3 gates.
The first gate: truth. Are you sure that what you are going to tell me is true?
The second gate: usefulness. Is what you are going to tell me useful for me?
The third gate: kindness. Is what you are going to tell me about my student kind?
The man remained silent. Socrates also. Everything was said.
The game-changing question
I find all 3 questions very useful, and the most powerful one for our own growth:
Are you sure it's true? Can you be absolutely sure?
Challenge
I dare you to ask yourself this question regularly, especially when:
You're in an argument with someone: are you sure that your point of view is absolutely true?
You're gossiping (saying something about someone with bad intentions): how sure are you about what you are saying about that person? And bring in the kindness question as well: is it kind? Why would you speak unkind about that person? What can you learn about yourself thanks to this?
Your inner critic is putting you down: is it really true that you "are" what this critic is saying? Haven't you also behaved or felt in another manner in the past?
Learn
What are these answers teaching you? Maybe:
You realize you're just looking at the situation from your point of view and maybe there might be other points of view that have equal value. 👉 You build more flexibility in your belief system. Huge happiness contributor.
You see that the other person also has good qualities. Or maybe you see that you're so frustrated with that person because it's highlighting something you need to work on yourself. But you don't want to confront yourself, it's easier to put the blame on the other person. 👉 Huge personal growth and kindness contributor.
You realize that it's not as bad as the critic is saying and can find focus on the more positive elements in your life. 👉 Huge peace of mind and self-confidence contributor.
Grow
Use it in your favor, see your state of mind growing to more open-mindedness and kindness, see how that improves how you feel and how you grow as a person, see how that changes how other people interact with you, and how it all increases your personal well-being.
How aware are you of the assumptions you make and the conclusions you draw without having the full picture?
I suck in it. But less than some years ago!
Thank you for reading this post, I hope it helps you in one way or another. If you’d like to grow further, you might also get value from:
The resources page: free goodies, from me to you.
Blog page with lots and lots of tips and insights for a life fully lived!
Events that I organize.
The THRIVE Academy
Have fun with it!
PS: I’d be also very happy to connect with you! Instagram , Facebook or LinkedIn